"You have cancer. We'll have to do an emergency operation as soon as possible."
That was a Friday. It was the Friday before Halloween because I remember walking down the sidewalk in a neighborhood with kids dressed up trick-or-treating all around me when I collapsed. My legs gave out. They would do that when the pain hit me. I used to describe it like a metal coat hanger that had been straightened out and stuck in a fire until it was red hot.. and that's what was then stabbed into and through my lower abdomen. The pain would swirl me head, take my breath, and swipe my legs out from under me.
I could be walking down the street, doing dishes, talking with my mom, one moment fine, the next moment, crash. on the floor trying to catch my breath.
The surgery took place the following Tuesday (the soonest possible option). It was successful in removing the 13cm tumor from my left ovary, along with the ovary and fallopian tube which held the most of the spread.
I was young. This type of cancer was rare in general. Let alone in a woman at such a young age.
But really, this was just the knot at the end of a long string of intense and traumatic experiences. I won't go into them all here because that would be a book. But you can pretty much figure that I've had a taste of all the varying types of trauma. Rape, death, addiction, homelessness.. just to name a very small few.
I wasn't in a good place. I was heavily depressed, was fighting different types of addictions. To say I had problems was putting it lightly. I had found the bottom of the hole and was living there.
My best friend/boyfriend had just been killed and I got 2 dui's shortly after.
The cancer was almost a breath of fresh air.
At least it was something I could make a decision on with the contemplations in front of me unshrouded by grief.
And the decision I was being faced with was this:
Did I want to live?
And if I did.....
What did that mean?
Experience: The purpose of life is to experience it. (Gives everything meaning and takes away meaning from everything.) [Gives grace for all the trial and error of our entrepreneurial ventures.]
Initiation: Life is a series of initiations. (It's how we integrate the initiations that help propel us forward.)
Innocence is a gift, beginner's mind. Go into things allowing ourselves to be open, curious, removing the need for perfectionism. To play, to be compassionate with our explorations of life.
Freedom: When we experience a sense of freedom within ourselves, we are relieving the responsibility of us to feel free on anything external. It's no about clients, courses, social norms, strategies, not even about race or class. How we are within ourselves.
Connection to self, connection to other, connection to what may be more. When we're connected, it stretches how much we can hold, and how much we can receive. (Much of capacity is not about holding/giving, it's about receiving and expressing. )
Fulfillment: Internal fulfillment and validation being a solidity that cannot be wavered. (Everything that we do or put ourselves in has more power because it's coming from all of us.)
Sexuality: Connection with our sexuality. Level of our internal power, creative motive, bring into our offerings in business and what we do. (People walking around who are NOT connected to their sexuality, desire to satiate a primal desire with no outlet. A lot less comfortable to be around, or safe to be around. Makes everything that is created a lot more grounded and able to sustain itself.)
Embodiment: When we talk about energetic capacity, embodiment is how we move through our body. Embodiment is how we move things, feelings, resistance through the body in order to further expand how much we can experience. Embodiment is one of the greatest tools we have.
Self-Leadership (Is the key to Self-Mastery)
Become a Private Client
Initiatrix Matrix
Experiential Initiations.png)
The Rites
Co-Create
.png){kind=small}
