"You need to learn to love yourself."
"...but what does that have to do with my relationship? Can't I just like... change the way I'm looking at this? Maybe I need to get clear on what I want so I can call that in. Then I'll be in a beautiful relationship."
"That won't do it.. It's like trying to plant a tree on a ground that might cave in at any point. There will never be the stability you seek unless you develop the love you have for yourself."
"I mean... I do love myself. I've done all sorts of work on myself. I've already worked on that! I'm ready for the relationship with my life partner! Or at least an amazing relationship that has the space to grow..."
"Until you look at this piece... you will always be searching. You can wish for, meditate for, try to manifest, list out qualities all you want. But if you continue to look outside yourself, you'll not experience a true foundation and the love that satisfies all desires."
"I *have* looked at myself! I've read self help books, and meditated, had a coach and took a workshop. They were great. I learned a lot about myself. I would say I love myself.. So I don't know that that's it."
"Do you know that feeling when peace floods your body, vibrating and lighting up the very bones that establish your frame. That sensation that regardless of what you're doing, where you are... you could be sitting on a couch looking out the window with a steaming cup of comforting hot stuff in your favorite mug... or posted up in a dentist chair, mouth stretched open by some weird contraption or driving down the road one your way who knows where... it doesn't mater about the doing or where you are... but there's a trust, and truth.. that exists as your baseline. Never alone, never bored, never left feeling without.. for you are always with you. The experience of connection, of heart open, willing and trusting love flowing through you and out of you like the simplicity of presence.
You can do all the weekend retreats, travel to a foreign country for a week or 3, sit with plant medicine or hire a coach.. but that doesn't mean you've integrated. It doesn't mean you've gotten to the seed, the core of your relationship with you..
And it's *that* relationship that will inform all others. It will inform the way you step, the decisions that you make the way you meet people. The way they interact with you.
When another senses this... shall we say, presence and depth of love for self and life... it's an honor to be with them, if even only for coffee. And even if they don't vocalize it... you can see it in the way they speak, the way they open themselves to the field of trust. You can feel it. So imagine what it would be like with your partner...
The possibility of Union arises. And not just this hot topic of a phrase that people are pumping now... but the experience of being part of a Unit. Where trust and friendship are the foundations that underlie all. Where appreciation and respect, gratitude and support are the cornerstones that you build upon. Where anything becomes possible because your life is no longer just yours. You become a part of more than one. You are in Union.
But, what I must emphasize... is that it's not about getting a partner or fixing your relationship... It's about your life. It's about the alignment. The satisfaction. The effectivity. The level of creativity. The joy and appreciation for seemingly mundane moments. It's about being Alive. And I don't mean the kind of alive that gives you moments of bliss like sun shining through for moments on a normally overcast day.. no, I mean Aliveness and practically blissful states as your baseline norm.
So, you think you've done the inner work.. you think you've come to establishthe strength of foundation rooted in unwavering self-love. But believe me when I tell you... you wouldn't be here if you did.
Now, I'm not saying that to put you down. The work you'd done to get you here, to this moment now, to this conversation.. has been nothing short of revolutionary. Life-changing. Resilience building.
I can see through your history and your lineage just how much it has taken to bring you here.
What I'm saying is... you're almost there. Just not there yet. There's another leg of the trip you're being invited into. And I have a feeling that its this leg... that will bring you to that moment of: ahhh. I've made it.
Let me clarify - this isn't about a destination... but, there is a moment where you step back within yourself and realize that you've made it. That thing, that lived experience, that relationship you'd been wanting, yearning, working toward? You're in it now. You live it. It's become a part of you and the way you move through the world.
And it's when you discover *that* point within yourself... that you'll realize that what you think you're seeking now, isn't actually what you need."
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Having the foundation of a deep well of self love affects every. Single. Area of our lives.
It's not just a relationship with ourselves. It's a relationship with life. The way we interact and interconnect and respond with live is derived from this place within us.
For example, it's much easier to get offended when someone makes an off handed comment about something when it touches something within you that is a bit of a raw, open would.
On the other hand... if that comment doesn't activate an open wound and untended hurt within... then it doesn't land.
Sometimes, these parts within us are subtle. And it takes skill and understanding to navigate our way to clear out these pieces. To come to spaces of acceptance, even embracing these parts of our selves.
It's easy to see and choose to love all these parts of other people.. even to decide that some parts are not in resonance with how we choose to live. But that process is usually less conscious or detailed within the self.
It's easy to find the ways to love another. And to turn that experience within the self.
