I am in service to raw primal power, transparency, devotion, union, the source that runs through all.
But really, we could sum all that up to be; aliveness.
I am in service to Aliveness.
That which makes us feel wholly, truly Alive. None of this skating through life, heart numbing kind of ways.
That means we dive deep, we dive in with all of us.
So in spirit of transparency, rawness, and devotion to union, I'm going to share some of my person process with you.
I realized today, that for years I've been in union (that wasn't the revelation.. hang with me), I've been resisting letting go of my sovereignty.
Instead of fully becoming unified, Ive maintained an air of independence.
Now, you may be wondering what's wrong with that.. nothings wrong with it, but what I realized is that it was holding me back. From expanding, from upleveling, from taking up more space - out of fear.
The experience of independence is an important one to go through in our evolution of humanness. We often move from co-dependence (as children it's necessary for our survival... it's when adults get stuck in the you child's attachment style that it gets sticky) to independence (think teen/young adult branching out to discover themselves, their boundaries, their edges) which is a form of sovereignty (sovereignty is the highest expression of independence- we have discovered our power, leadership, and godself). But what comes next?
Interdependence (this is one I've been learning for many years.. it's the interwoven connection of community.. the ability and willingness to ask for help, and, gasp receive it. It's the realization that we have all that we need within the network of humans that we know, and they know. I didn't drive for years and this one was a huge lesson for me. Interdependence can expand beyond needs and into desire.) And from there, we have the opportunity to expand into Union. An experience of Oneness. An expression of devotion. Union is found within partners, a woman and child in her womb, and between a human and Source consciousness. It's moving through life no longer as a single entity, but as a unit, as an expression that spans beyond the bounds of one's singular experience. It is, in ways, an expanded version of self while simultaneously being the death of Self as we knew it. It's the untimate form of knowing we're not in this alone.
It's full circle, in a way- for Oneness is how we began.. and it's what's being asked to give oneself over to during this evolutionary progression.
But this was the key for me- when you attempt to hold on to that individualized sovereignty, you're never really giving yourself fully to the Union.
And in holding oneself anywhere, we're both resisting and denying the growth and expansion that is naturally flowing through- making conflict in the internal world and reflecting this externally- most likely in one's closest relationship.
So what does that mean and how can it be identified?
I found my way with a few simple questions:Am I holding myself back?Why?What am I afraid of?What version of myself am I holding to?How have I been trying to do things as a person in a unit that I'd done as a single human?And then the big one I suppose:Is this the life I choose for myself? If yes, Choose it. If no, change it.
A friend recently reflected to me that she experiences me as someone fully willing to look at and own the hard stuff, the missteps and shadows.
It recentered me in a way- to feel seen and acknowledged.
Yes- I can own the ways I have held to a vision of who I'd known myself to and constricted the space for me to expand and become even more.
Yea I can own the ways I've put pressure on my relationship to meet xyz needs and now acknowledge that having this person as my cocreator in Union is part of my core and it's safe to expand into the fields where my needs are met.
Yes, I can own the fear I've held that if I raise my vibration too much or expand too much I might loose the person to whom I've devoted so much of my heart.
I can sit in all this- take a deep breath, and give myself permission to start again. To trust. And to expand- to take up space. To release the holds I've held and come even more fully, with more potency, with more vulnerability and more of my self, into Union.
There will be more that rises - as we are humans and there are layers. But for now, this key.. sets me free.
